Para sa Tatay ko…

By Gilberto G Reyes – “Mamatay ka din!” (You will die too!) – these were my father´s last words to me. Oh, do not get me wrong, my father is still alive in the Philippines. But two years ago, I brought into light his secret, his mistress for twenty years. Since then we have not talked to each, not even when his last surviving sibling died, not even when I left the country last year.

Father’s Day – people are celebrating it. Here in Caracas, they do not talk only of a Father’s Day, they refer to June as Father’s Month, Mes del Padre. How can I greet someone that gave me life and took it all away?

My Father is very notorious. My paternal relatives are afraid of him, are weary of him. He is known to have physically abused a cousin’s suitor, so she run away with him although she felt more for someone. She is now separated from him. He again abused another cousin´s suitor – this time, my cousin did not elope, she instead chose a husband approved by the clan. Yes, my father is a wife beater but my mother would deny it. Those times she was black and blue, she would run home to her family in Cabuyao, Laguna – where no one would talk about the domestic violence. For me and my brother, we were just told she went for a vacation with my Grandmother.

By today’s standards, the beatings I had as a child would be considered as child abuse. He would use his belt, his slippers, kick me a lot. My mother would do her best to intervene and slip me out of the house, I would have to spend the evening in a relative’s house.

I used to fear my father. I learned to act like a robot when he is around less I earn his displeasure.

I know my father’s philandering ways. My mother used to justify it as a norm among the Reyes clan, that he was not the only one. But we assumed that he was having one mistress one after another, no one permanent … not only one mistress for two decades! My father kept Chili and even educated her three daughters from her previous marriage. Then, it was clear where he spent his income.

We did not really enjoy any financial support from him, it was my Mother who was more than intelligent in having our business profitable.

In April 2006, my father hired a help for our store, the boy thought my mother was just another hired help. He said to my Mom that he got the job because of my Father´s wife – Chili. So, my Mom crumbled and there I started to investigate until I unearthed what was hidden from us all this time. Sure, my paternal relatives new but chose to be silent, they do not want to be involve, more they do not want to get the ire of my father.

My mother left my father then, but still no word from him. In my search for the truth, I learned that the mistress and her daughter where sued in court for physical abuse. I attended the hearing and sided with the plaintiff, and only after that was a family meeting called. That was when my father, in full anger, with eyes red, full of rage – shouted and said that to me… “Mamatay ka din!!”.

My meek mother depended me, she was full of anger and indignation. But she lose her fire, my father said that he would raher leave all of us for his mistress. I have a monster father. I thought of him as evil, the worst husband, an unworthy father.

My mother forgave my father and they went into a cycle of being together and being separated. My brother and I chose not to tell my father that I left to work abroad last year, my mother wanted us to drop by before I leave. No, it hurts but we do not want any drama.

Now, its Father’s day … the most I could do is to buy him a blood pressure monitor and have it parceled to him. I told my Mom – para sa tatay. What more can be said?

No matter how bad, how evil, how undeserving of love, how wrong my father is … sad it may be, he is still my father.

I could only cry here. Tatay ko pa rin siya.

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Comments

  1. ericmanzan says:

    Touch ako dun kabayan…Well talagang ganun siguro talaga,Di kasi natin alam ang takbo ng isip ng bawat isa.And that is a part of experience in this world.Ika nga mahaba man ang prusisyon sa simbahan pa rin ang tuloy.Have a nice day… kaya natin yan! from:tunis

  2. Tom says:

    Hindi mo yon ‘Tatay’ in the true sense of the word. Maaring sya ang kasama ng nanay mo ng i-conceive ka nya pero other than that I woulnd’t consider him your Tatay. He was never there emotionally for you much less support you financiially. I doubt if he ever loved you as a son. I feel for you though. It’s tough and I can empathize. At least this experience made you a better man than him.

  3. Col.Smithe USMC (Ret'd) says:

    he doesn’t sound like a father he’s more of a Sperm Donor inmy opinion. If I were in your shoes I’d ignore him, and be thankful you have one loving parent as harder as that may sound. Take care and be strong.

  4. TOWBARLESS23 says:

    TOUCH AKO DON KABAYAN PERO TAMA YUN MASKI ANONG MANGYARI O ANUMANG KASAMA NYA TATAY MO PARIN CYA…HINDI MAN GANUN ANG MAGIGING UGALI MO PROUD KAPARIN KC KUNG WALA CYA WALA KARIN SA MUNDO…PERO MAY DUDA RIN AKO TATAY MOBA O STEP FATHER LANG?..ANY WAY KAYA MOYAN BE STRONG GOD BLESS ALWAYS.

  5. yuuki says:

    i hVE TO SAY talagang ang brave na ginawa mo pero yung tatay mo unfair na tao sya
    alam ko na wrong ako mag sabi nito pero srry>.<
    pero touched nga ako sa ginawa mo

  6. braggart says:

    Dapat sa tatay mo ipakulam or kung hindi man lasunin nang mamatay na ang matandang abuser na iyan.

  7. Timawa says:

    ThePinoy, how about posting the story on the Fil-Am General who drafted a report on Abu Ghraib and is calling out the Bush Administration for war crimes.

  8. rbunag says:

    Good day to you! Just remember gods always rewarded to those who knows how to forgive, as a father masakit malaman na meron talagang tatay na nakakagawa ng ganoon pero hindi nyo alam kong ano motibo nya siguro kaya ka ngayon nandiyan sa posisyon mo just because tinuruan ka ng tatay mo maging strong, lets face the fact na lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sa buhay natin ay may kahulugan kong ano man yon tayo ang nakakaalam kaya ingatan natin ang masyadong mapanghusga who knows baka meron sycological problem din ang tatay mo at noong bata pa sya nakaranas din sya ng ganyang kalupitan, ikaw na meron kakayahang mag isip problema try to figure out kong ano dahilan na sana balang araw huwag nang maranasan ng mga susunod na henerasyon mula sayo anyway gaya ng sabi mo tatay mo pa rin sya kahit ano mang sama hindi mo pwedeng ikaila na sya ang dahilan kong bakit ka nandito sa mundo. tanging gabay lang nasa taas ang maaring makasagot sa mga tanong natin, god bless and more power to you.

  9. I had been advised before by my Superior to keep things quiet. But it is so hard to ignore the pain, by writing about it, I was hoping to ease it a bit, and hopefully make others think twice or thrice before committing adultery or concubinage. Its the innocent, the children, that suffers.

    Coming into terms with my Father is not easy, the pain, the outrage is still there. Perhaps this is the reason why I have focused so much hate to my Father’s mistress – unfair it may be, I can focus my hatred to her.

    KULAM?! Hindi ko ipapakulam tatay ko, ako na mismo ang nagkulam sa ama ko at kerida niya. Somehow, when there is no legal remedy – the supernatural comes in. It was in this way I develop my Tarot reading skills – wherein I ended up participating in various Psychic Fairs. I also have guested in some TV shows with Mel and Jay, and the last was with Balitang K of Korina Sanchez (shown in their Halloween special for 2007). I was asked by Korina, effective ba ang pagkulam ko? I answered back – balita ko, na heart attack na ang keridang si Chili, natabingi na daw ang mukha, at paralized ang kalhating katawan. Tatay ko naman, inatake na rin, mild stroke last December 2007. But being so far away here in Caracas, Venezuela – gave me more time, and the solitude to think and meditate.

    Napatawad ko na tatay ko, mahal ko pa rin.

    Pero andun pa rin ang galit, napunta lahat sa kerida, sa kabit!

  10. Anak Pawis says:

    Tama ka pare ko kahit na masama ugali nya tatay mo pa rin sya. cguro nung bata sya inabuso sya kaya ganoon kabangis ang tatay mo.Kung hinde sa kanya wala ka d2 sa mundo kaya malaki ang utang na loob mo sa kanya,balang araw mapag iisip niya mali ang ginawa sa pamilya mo.Palagay ko magbabago ang ugali nya,minsan kamustahin mo sya baka na miss din ka nya at iyong ina.

  11. sana mamatay na tatay ko says:

    Parehas tayo ng tatay pre, binubugbog ako at konting mali lang nagwawala na agad at minumura ako. pinagkaiba lang natin ay good financer naman sya at hindi nangbababae. Hindi ko na kaya patawarin tatay ko.

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